In This Season
By Maggie Hubbard
Unexplained infertility. It’s how we got here. It’s how we ended up on this long, painful, lonely road. With all of my heart, I believe that we were assigned this mountain to show it can be moved. To let others know they are not alone. To remind people of the hope and promises of Jesus Christ. To show that faith can move mountains. My husband and I have been TTC for 2 ½ years. Our first year was nothing but empty answers and a doctor who didn’t care to get to the bottom of anything. We did two rounds of medicated cycles, one with IUI. They both failed. I was never at peace with the diagnosis of “unexplained infertility.” You always have to trust your gut feeling and be your own advocate.
I tell girls all the time if it doesn’t feel right… always get a second opinion. The last IUI we did was in December and we were more than hopeful we could tell our immediate family over Christmas we were expecting! When we found out it failed, I broke and fell hard. I hadn’t cried that hard in a long time. I needed a break and deserved a break so we took one. In March we saw a new doctor and immediately felt like he was going to take us seriously and get to the bottom of why we were not getting pregnant. He wanted to do surgery to find out what was going on. I had surgery on June 1st and they removed stage 2 endometriosis and a few cysts. I was so relieved to finally have answers and relieved that it wasn’t something super serious. We did our first IUI with injectables (technically second) on August 1st and found out that it was yet another failed cycle. So, we geared up for our second IUI and that took place on August 24th, and that one failed as well. So, here we are left empty again. 26 months of failed cycles and negative pregnancy tests. Another month with an empty heart, empty room that would be the nursery, empty hands, empty womb, and well let’s face it, empty bank account from how darn expensive infertility is. This journey is SO hard.
There has never been one day that I haven’t felt the love, peace, and grace of Jesus Christ. I have fallen on my knees countless times begging, pleading with God to give me a child. I have questioned His will multiple times. But, God knows your diagnosis, he’s 50,000 steps ahead of you and His plans are far better than your plans could ever be. So, instead of saying “Why Me?” let’s say “Why Not Me?” God makes beauty out of ashes. I am so thankful he is using me during this season to grow my faith deeper than it’s ever been. Infertility has taught me so much. It taught me patience, a strength I’ve never known, wisdom, trust, love, grace, how to overcome jealousy, and so much more. God’s promises are the same today as they were yesterday, His word will never fail us.
Our next step is toward Adoption. We feel that God is calling us to adopt and we could not be more excited!
